英语小话剧剧本 三顾茅庐搞笑话剧

屋子中,诸葛亮在屋里走着,诸葛亮:Buliang,this classroom is so dirty,猪不亮扫地,送水(营养快线)
三兄弟上场,关羽(头巾),刘备(墨镜),张飞(不停打嗝)
刘:饭后一支烟,赛过活神仙
A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.(伸手,张飞点烟,刘深吸一口,长舒一口气)
刘:嗯?没点着
En? It dosent burn on.
张飞:凑合着吧,老师不让抽烟
Sorry,we can only has this.We cant smoke in the classroom!

关羽:此番前来,定要邀请的卧龙先生
We must invite Mr.Zhu Geliang!
张飞:必须的,老曹太欺负人了
Certainly,Mr.Cao bully us too much.
三人来到门前,石头剪子布
刘备:According to our custom?
关羽:OK.
张飞:No problem.
刘备三人进行石头剪子布,刘备输了,其余两人把刘备推到前面。
刘备作出一幅英勇就义的姿态,(上海滩响起)
刘备作按门铃状,(门铃声响起)。
诸葛亮:Bu liang(不亮), go to open the door.

仆人:Heng!(哼)
仆人板着个脸到了门口,做了一个甩头的动作,并呼啦呼啦头发,然后深呼吸,放平稳,保持微笑。然后打开门,举了个躬。
仆人:?????(发音a ni ha sai yao~~~,中文意思:你好)
刘备:Can you speak English?
关羽:(紧接着刘备)Can you speak Chinese?
张飞:(紧接着)Can you speak Japanese?
刘备:(紧接着)Spanish?
关羽:(紧接着)Congolese?
张飞:(紧接着)Egyptian?
仆人:(紧接着)Shut up!

Who are you people?
刘备:(摆个pose)Im Liubei.
关羽:(也摆个pose)Im Guanyu.
张飞:(同样摆个pose,把关羽碰倒了)Im Sorry.
刘备三人赶紧把仆人扶起来。
猪不亮:你们怎么来的啊
What do you three take to come here?
张飞:骑马来的啊,做骑马状
Riding a horse ,of course.
猪不亮:那你们怎么骑马来的啊?
So,How do you riding a horse?
三人面面相觑,猪不亮关门
刘备突然明白了,money!!
张飞关羽耸肩都没带钱,下台

第二幕
三兄弟上台,张飞关羽手提礼品
关羽猥琐的说:这次应该可以了吧,上次也怨我们
I think well manage it this time.
张飞:啥啊,如果你不是拉着我,老子一嗓子吼死他(做咆哮状,老虎声音)
What? If you dont pull me,I will easily kill him with my strong throat!
刘备:行了,行了,我们来干啥来了
稍息。。。立正。。。(张飞关羽照做)
Stop,stop,What are we doing here? At ease!-Attention!
刘备:都给我机灵点(张飞关羽点头答应)
You three!

Be clever this time!
屋子中
(英文歌,诸葛亮和猪不亮正喝酒,猪不亮哼着英语歌,他两个喝醉了)
诸葛亮:MY GOD!!上天你为什么这么惩罚我
My God!! Why do you punish me?!
猪不亮:老大别难过,班长杨超不也没过吗
Dont be sad,my boss. As I know,our monitor doest pass the examination.
诸葛亮:我的四级考试啊,开始哭...
What?our monitor doest pass the examination?But,My English cet band 4 also losed
(换背景音乐,猪不亮跟着哭,门铃响,猪不亮醉醺醺的摇摇晃晃去开门)
猪不亮:谁啊
Whos this?
张飞:收水费的
I come here to charge the bill of electricity
(开门,三人一脸嬉笑)
刘备:我们又来了,麻烦小弟通报一下
We are here again,bother to notice your boss.

(猪不亮四下环顾,把礼品接过来了)
(屋子里传来悲伤的气息,张飞和关羽抹眼泪)
张飞:怎么突然一阵感伤涌上心头(自言自语)
I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart.

.
关羽:请问卧龙先生在家吗,我们想见一下(SEE)
Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a talk with him ,please.
猪不亮:吟诗,见与不见。。。
(你见,或者不见我
Its doesnt matter if you see me or not
我就在那里
I am standing right there
不悲不喜
With no emotion
你念,或者不念我
Its doesnt matter if you miss me or not
情就在那里
The feeling is right there
不来不去
And it isnt going anywhere
你爱或者不爱我
Its doesnt matter)
(猪不亮转身关门,站不稳)
刘:What?!

!
张飞:是不是家里死人了,下次再来吧
Im afraid some-one important of him died here.
Lets go. Maybe we should come next time.
关羽:希望死的不是诸葛亮
Oh, I wish Zhu Geliang doest die
(关羽,刘备打张飞,下台。。)

第三幕
(诸葛亮和猪不亮玩三国杀,背景音乐,术语)
(诸葛亮又赢了)
猪不亮:老大你真NB
You are the man !
诸葛亮:那是,你不想想我是干什么的,我打算过了年就去找刘备,找份工作
Hum!Thats a piece of cake. And I think I should go to Liu Beis corporation to find a job after Spring Festival.
猪不亮:你想去刘备那里??
What? You said you wanna to go to Liu Beis company?
诸葛亮:嗯,那里用不着英语
En.

..Thats a good place in which I need not speak English.
猪不亮:前几天他来过了,让我赶跑了
But...uh, I drove him away a few days ago.
门铃响。。
猪不亮:说来就来了
Speak of the devil and he doth appear.
(三兄弟,大跨步的走进来,诸葛亮一见到很激动)
诸葛亮:大哥,想死我了(拥抱)你带我走吧
Boss! I ached for you so much, please help me!

刘备:镇定镇定,既然兄弟这么看得起我,那咱们就一起大干一场吧
Be calm. Since you trust me so much, lets go and do it!
(出发。。)
诸葛亮:大哥等等,那。。那,一月多少钱啊
Wait,wait...My boss, uh, how much will.. I get.. from you then.
张飞:(恐吓状)兄弟之间不谈钱,谈钱多伤感情,(拎着诸葛亮就走)
It hurts feelings when it comes to money!
(猪不亮在后面拿着包袱,大喊)
猪不亮:带上我吧,(走路(小沈阳状))
Oh, Please take me away.
闭幕。。。。